To my GRANDPA

[My grand father expired when i was 2. Written at the age of 12.]

Grandpa grandpa where are you?
I want to come there and meet you.
I was very small when God took you.
Everyday since I keep remembering you.

Would we meet again,
Or wont we meet again?
The thought of this question,
Brings me to pain.

Don't you want to meet me,
Or are you always with me?
Don't you want to see me,
Or are you always watching me?

You always loved me,
Don't you love me now?
Or have you taken another birth,
And don't know me now?

The series of such questions extend till infinity,
But still I don't know your proximity.

"MIDDLE CLASS IRONY"

He earns hard and dies everyday
For a better tomorrow,in search of a happy day
With his children,
When he could spend time and play
He loves them so much
He knows at heart
But in the evening,when he returns
For the next morning's start
Totally exhausted
Not a trifle left in him
To share a moment or two
With his kith and kin
For the sake of his children
He works the whole day
To provide good food,education
And to keep all troubles at bay
For working so hard
His children are the cause
And this is the irony
Of his life because
He works every hour
To make his children happy
But they miss him every second
Which makes them unhappy...

"I" NEED TO CHANGE FIRST

I need a small corner,belonging to me,
where I'll live my life,no fear 'll reach me.
I don't need a luxurious life,with all my name and fame,
residing quietly in that corner,playing life-game.
I need help in the days of pain,but a single hand will do,
not many but my own folks,to share a joy or two.
The world today,as I know, is full of duplicity,
in my corner,what I'll seek is simplicity.
Ups & downs are a part of life, why make hue and cry,
if not much,to search a solution,at least we should try.
In my corner,let me live a pure life,let me not pretend,
let my life be short but beautiful,let it not extend.
Indeed the deeds count over the days,if ego kept at bay,
I don't need appreciation a lot,forever it can't stay.
The world today is polluted enough,everything impure,
in such environment,how can one live feeling safe and secure?
Chauvinism is the fashion today,all following the trend,
in this mad race,their crooked ways,no one going to mend.
Selfishness is the religion today,one's integral part,
green paper is what weighs,over the golden heart.
Everyone today is confused,everyone perplexed,
nobody knowing, why the world is vexed.
I am depressed,I am disgusted,
not only me,everyone is frustrated.
I need to cry, I need to scream,
why peaceful life is becoming a dream?
I can't bear this pain, I need to run away,
not expecting from this world, let me first mend my way.
Leave me in seclusion please, let me be in solitude,
to reinvent my true self, shedding this artificial attitude.

[written in august 2003]

WOVEN EMOTIONS

It was too hot. He had gone to purchase some of his necessities as he was to leave for his hostel in two days. He had not recovered from his high fever, when his blood pressure dipped and left him unconscious. Thankfully his cousin had accompanied him, who helped him reach home. It was the scorching sun coupled with the long distance to the whole-sale shop, so as to save money his father gave him, which resulted in this condition. He purchased a new wrist for his father’s watch and a wallet for his mother.

His mother was attached to him. She never went to see him off as she could not bear the moment of separation from her only child. Today she was too busy attending to relatives, knowing she has just two days left to attend to her son. She served him the lunch and told him to rest. As all went for the afternoon nap, she quietly took her purse and went out. She had saved money from the monthly expenses, to purchase a shirt for her son. It was a bright blue shirt, his favorite color, which she hid in her almirah.

His father was a proud man for his son was the only one pursuing science among their relatives. He always wanted to tell his son how he held his head high but emotions never transformed in words. All that his son could earn for his achievement was a ‘pat on his back’. He was in debt; he did not hesitate while taking a loan, to deposit his son’s medical college fee. Any extra expense disrupted the whole month’s expenditure schedule. Today he had to book the tickets for his relatives yet another hole in the pocket.

Next morning, relatives left. His father went to office and mother started packing his bag after finishing the daily chores. He was fine, still his mother wanted him to rest, she had forgotten to tell her husband about his illness. In the afternoon, postman baba knocked the door and handed over the envelope to his mother. “Remind doctor bachua that I’ll always account for a free check-up at his clinic” he said with a coughing smile. It was his result letter.

He had FAILED!

Two drops of water trickled down his cheek and fell on the result card. His world had come to an end as if he was holding a death sentence. All the sufferings and sacrifices of his parents revolved around him, accusing him of breach of trust. He didn’t know how to announce this news to his parents. He stood up and quietly placed the leather wrist in his father’s drawer and the wallet in his mother’s closet. Every second that passed made him more silent with guilt.

As he told his mother, her worried face became still for a while. She was baffled; she didn’t know how to react for the moment. Her teary eyes consoled him and told him to face this failure with strength while deeply inside she knew what was going on in her son’s mind. She packed the bright blue shirt without letting him know, crying silently for her helplessness. Thinking how her husband will take this news, she started praying to GOD to give her son ample strength to bear this pain.

This year his father didn’t want his son to leave empty handed, he wanted to gift him something. Due to exceeded expenditure this month, he decided to give up his afternoon tea to compensate and brought a pair of new shoes for his son. Satisfied that this gift will boost his morale, he headed towards home. Ignorant about the new development, his father walked faster than his usual speed, to reach as soon as possible and see the bright smile on his son’s face.

The lobby was dark as his father entered and called his name in excitement while switching on the lights. He prepared himself for stabbing his father right in his heart. He came out with his face down. His father handed him the pair of shoes and told him to check his size. He in turn handed him the result card with trembling hands. His father’s face turned pale and he went inside whipping the sweat on his forehead.

His failure had a valid reason which he never wanted to explain and his father had not the courage to ask.

There was a complete lull while they had their dinner. Nobody spoke a word before they retired to their beds.

"AM I A BEAUTY?"

Once i thought to rate myself,
My looks, my personality, my beauty, my self.
Instantly came the thought of my hair,
which are long, straight with a golden flare.
Mirror said to peep into the eyes,
That appear innocent,to be precise.
There glows my skin shining white,
making me stand out in a crowd, as bright.
Thinking so, comes the wide shining smile,
Pearly whites flashing in a style.
I smile, striking a pose,
Thanking GOD, for beauty of a rose.
Suddenly a thought struck me hard,
Brought along sorrows, hurt even hard.
Teenage wont be always, there will come this oldage,
Beauty is not static, can't lock it in a cage.
Hair may turn gray, vision diminished,
lips dry up, skin wrinkled.
Left my mirror, disappointed a lot,
Sat depressed and then i thought.
It is not the looks, not the physical appearance,
Beauty is everlasting, has a big difference.
Scratching my mind I tried to find,
How can beauty, be defined?
Everything may change from my head to toe,
But my heart will never change in the flow.
Beauty is the heart, a heart of gold,
The person you are, in your world.
Alas! my heart is bad, selfish and even mad,
Does it mean I'm ugly, oh it makes me sad.
Heart said"Please, don't get depressed,
Leave the looks, let your heart get redressed.
Every girl isn't Madonna, my dear sweety,
Without the looks, you can still be a beauty.
Beauty not of face, a beauty of heart,
Be generous, a selfless sweetheart.
There will be no need to rate yourself,
The world around will express itself."

MY DAY 1

Yet again,the person who unknowingly inspired me to start writing for the first time back in school,has managed to inspire me to start blogging. That time I would have never acknowledged him for having inspired me,we were cut-throat competitors. As destiny wanted it otherwise, we have turned into great friends.
I will keep you all updated about my past & my present.Hope to keep in touch for long time to come..